Six Months of ‘Life’
This post originated out of a question that an interviewer asked me a while back. She asked me what I’d been up to after quitting my previous job.
“I spent my time trying to figure out the kind of work I want to be doing at this stage of my life, and reworked my portfolio in a way that reflects it better.”
That’s all I told her. And while it’s an absolutely honest account of what I’ve done, after the conversation was over I couldn’t help feeling like I’d betrayed myself a little bit. I mean, yes, it’s understandable that this was a job interview and this was a fitting response that didn’t delve too much into ‘who I am inside my head’ but again, it got me thinking about how easily we associate our time and our worth to only those activities that directly connect to some real, grown-up, goal-based, productive (read: $$$ activity). At least, I guess I’ve always been guilty of doing it.
The last six months were about re-calibrating who I am and where I want to go professionally. But they were also so many other things:
I wrote for myself after a long, long time. I started with a practice of writing every single day — for 100 days to be precise. I wrote only for me, didn’t share it with the world, and without the pressure or anticipation of likes and shares and follows, writing felt like what it has always been — therapeutic, freeing, and like breathing again. And now I’m back to writing without having pressure or structure or a habit behind it.
I read a LOT. Not just articles on marketing or strategy but real books on psychology, philosophy and history and science and food and literature and funny stories about existential bunnies. Everything I could lay my hands on was eaten till my brain started to feel happy and fed and rich and satiated and hungry to eat more.
I travelled a bit. Or as much as traveling was possible without causing additional guilt of ‘too much free-time’ or squeezing ‘our single-income + some savings budget’ too tight.
Somewhat reworked my relationship with food and health and body image. Moved more in ways that I enjoyed, ate things because they felt nourishing and made me happy — not solely because they would help me gain something or lose something.
Cooked a lot. Cooking and baking for the people I love has always been my love language, but cooking for the sheer love of it helped me understand a little bit more of the ‘why’ behind it. I learned recipes from my mother that I’d previously taken for granted or ignored because it just didn’t feel important enough.
Spent a whole month taking care of my mum after she met with an accident during my trip back home. I happily spent my time taking care of her, guilt-free, without worrying about losing out on ‘more important work things’ so she could focus on the sole, most important mission of getting stronger and feeling better.
Met my grandmother after two years and spent time talking and laughing with her instead of hearing her complain about why I choose not to have children. This honestly felt so so good, because it’s been an uncomfortable, predictable topic ever since I got married. I was grateful for a conversation with her that felt genuine and easy and pressure-free after a long time.
Understood myself a little better, figured out some mistakes - forgave myself (and others) for said mistakes, and started doing the difficult work of fixing some of these issues.
Saved the best one for the last because this one was the toughest — I’m trying to not take myself so seriously all the time and to be kinder to myself. This one is a work in progress, and always will be. Case in point: I didn’t pressure myself to make this a ten-point list. Because, not all things in life are even and even that’s okay. ;)
Six months of your life sound like such a big chunk while you’re in it. It hasn’t been easy, logging into LinkedIn has been the absolute WORST because it’s made me question myself and what I was doing so many times over these months. But sometimes you need to pause to take a long, hard look at life as it is rushing past you day by day, till months become years, and that becomes ‘your life’.
And when you look at it from that perspective, that pause — that giant, six-month gap — is exactly what will save you from yourself so you can start building your life with action that comes from intention, not just because you’ve gotten used to going through the motions.